I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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