The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
