BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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