Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
