But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
