I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
