Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
