I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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