once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize