a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
