She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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