nutella sex= disaster
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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