Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize