She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize