I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
