Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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