Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
