My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Randomize
