I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was not drunk enough for that final.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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