it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We got so high we made milksteak
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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