Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
