I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize