the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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