I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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