the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
