I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
