You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
