dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize