I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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