apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
