Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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