Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
