at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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