Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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