Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
