Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
