He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
im holly from the hills drunk
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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