Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
