you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
