He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
