She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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