The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
