My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
