Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
