Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
