apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
