I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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