I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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