tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
