I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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