"it" just moved
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
