I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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