The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
