People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This is my gift to your gina
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
