I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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