My cat gives me a boner
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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