I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
