I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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