Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
