doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
