The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
