I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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