theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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