You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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