Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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