I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
