Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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