Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
