Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
