Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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