im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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