Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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