My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
